Pointless
by KiraSakura
Summary: [Bday fic for japaneserocker] Sora's lonely [supposedly], Kairi's fed up, Riku's a man whore, and Axel and Roxas are getting married. And no one believes Riku when he says he's settled down. Even when they walk in on him and Sora making out [SR, AR]


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Kingdom Hearts I, II or CoM or any of those other games I am vaguely aware of that I will never be able to play because they'll make them for the PS3 and I only just got myself a PS2… so yeah.

**Warnings:** Riku-whore

**Author's Notes:** … I hate this… anyways, this is for japaneserocker! Late birthday present, I know… but still.

And no, you WILL NOT be getting a Halloween fic outa me because I'm Australian and we don't celebrate Halloween.

Feel for us.

I'ma putting Rainbow temporarily on hold while I try and finish off Vacations, Love and Scheming Redheads and a one-shot I've been working on for quite a while called 'Home Coming'.

And then I'll update Rainbow, and start on everyone's Xmas fics. And try and find Ame a kangaroo.

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"No. No way in hell. Forget it, Kairi. I am not going to advertise myself on the Internet!" Sora Leonhart whined as he clutched his silver Macintosh iBook to his chest.

Kairi Nakamura, his best friend and recently divorced wife, rolled her blue-purple eyes, and snapped back, "Jesus, Sora! It's been over four months since the divorce. I've gone through eight—eight, Sora—boyfriends and two girlfriends since then! The closet you've gotten to meeting someone is Riku! And you've known him since you were three years old!"

Sora pouted, and spun around. He gently placed his laptop on the kitchen counter, and muttered, "Yeah, well, dating Riku would probably be ten times better than dating someone new!"

Kairi threw her hands up in the air, the multiple silver bracelets she was wearing clinking gently. "Sora! For God's sake! _What_ is it with you?! You _love _meeting new people!"

"So?! Kairi, I really don't feel like jumping into the dating game again yet. I mean, when I was with you we were both… held down. Now I can do whatever I want! I can make pasta! I can eat carbohydrates now! I can stay up until four in the morning watching TV with Riku over the phone! I _like_ being single!" Sora retorted, his voice steadily rising.

Kairi's eyes narrowed, and she hissed, "When was the last time you had sex?"

"_What_?" Sora sputtered.

Kairi sighed, and ran a hand through her ruddy brown hair. "You heard me. When was the last time you fucked anyone? Got fucked yourself?"

"Kairi!"

"What?! Sora, you're twenty-six! You need to have an active sex life! It's good for your heart!" Kairi argued. Sora stood there, his sky-blue eyes wide and mouth gaping. Kairi would've laughed if it hadn't been for the fact that she was so annoyed with Sora. Honestly! He was just being difficult about this!

Sora then seemed about ready to retort, when a loud, "Hello?! Sora?! Kairi?! Anyone in?!" was heard from the patio door out back.

Both blinked, before Kairi snapped, "We'll finish this discussion later". Sora pouted again, and stormed off. Kairi groaned loudly, and sat down on one of the stools for the kitchen counter. She buried her head in her hands, and listened as Sora invited their guest in. The sound of Sora's clumsy heavy footsteps announced his return, along with a more gentle set.

"Hey, Kai," Riku Tanaka greeted as he walked into the expensive kitchen. She gave a dismal wave, and looked up. She blinked.

"Riku… in all my nineteen years of knowing you I have never seen you so… dressed up," She stated as she eyed the taller man's black business suit.

Riku laughed, the sound soft and silky, and pulled up a chair next to her. He pulled his long silver hair from the low pony-tail he had it in, and replied, "Eck. I know. But I was meeting with a potential employer so I had to look my best."

"How'd it go?" Sora asked as he placed a beer in front of his other best friend, while placing a small glass of coke and rum in front of Kairi. Riku gratefully took a gulp from the tall brown bottle, and muttered, "I got invited back to his apartment."

Kairi choked on an ice-cube, and replied, "You _what_? You weren't using your 'gentleman' talk again, were you?"

Riku rolled his blue-green eyes, and said, "Why, Kairi darling! _Whatever_ made you think that? I was simply attempting to get the job. It's not my fault if I use my gentleman talk when doing so, love."

Sora snorted, and broke out into a fit of giggles. "Do you remember that one time when you used it on the mailman and he wouldn't stop stalking you?"

Kairi let out a bark of laughter, "Oh yeah! I remember that! He kept on proclaiming you owned his heart!"

Riku smiled grimly, and shrugged the jacket off, leaving him in his white dress shirt. "I wonder whatever happened to him after we called the cops when we found him in my bathroom…"

"Last I heard they stuck him in a mental hospital," Sora grinned as he took a sip of his own beer.

"That'd be right," Riku said, pulling off the dark blue tie he wore. "So? Anyone care to tell me why I heard yelling earlier?"

A tense silence fell over the trio at that, Sora looking away while Kairi swished her drink around.

"Kairi wants me to put an ad up on one of those dating sites," Sora said glumly. Riku blinked, and looked over to his little sister image.

"Really?" He asked, clearly shocked. Kairi fisted her hair, and muttered, "Oh, come on! What's so wrong with that?"

"Nothing" Riku replied. "But the fact that it's been four months since you and Sora got the paper of separation and you've already gone through fifteen different people is kinda astounding, though."

Kairi turned and glared at Riku, whilst saying, "Riku Kadaj Tanaka. I never expected to hear those words from you. I mean, what? Don't you go through three different men a _week_?"

"Oh, you know it, darling!" Riku said, purposely making his voice high-pitched. And with that the tense aura disappeared. Sora laughed again, while Kairi giggled slightly. She gently smacked Riku's shoulder, while saying, "Damn you for ruining the mood."

"Nice to know I'm appreciated. But, seriously, I have settled down," Riku replied.

Kairi blinked in surprise. "Really? Who's the lucky guy?"

"Nah uh… you have to wait for Rox's and Axel's wedding. He's my date. He just blew things off with his girlfriend for me, too. I love him, I swear," Riku grinned back. Sora smiled into his beer, letting the cool, bubbly liquid flow down his throat.

Later that night, just as Kairi was leaving and Riku was washing up in the kitchen, Sora tried to break the news to her.

"Um…Kairi…me 'n'…"

"Sora, tell me tomorrow. I just remembered I have to buy more cat food," Kairi muttered, kissing Sora on each cheek, before dashing out to her car. Sora sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Damnit. I guess I'll tell her tomorrow, then…," he murmured, and returned to the warm recesses of his home, where Riku awaited him with a mug of coffee and four different horror movies.

---

It was around eleven the next morning when Sora woke up to the sound of his phone ringing. Groaning, the brunette pulled his pillow over his head, mumbling to himself about how rude some people were. The phone rang out, and Sora let out a content sigh, dozing off to sleep again. Unfortunately, that didn't last, because suddenly there was a heavy pounding on his back door. Sora shot upright, eyes wide and mouth open in anger. He yanked the covers off of his lithe body, and slipped on a pair of sweat pants. He pulled an over-sized white shirt he had stole off Riku and never returned, and stormed out of his room and down the stairs.

Yuna, his pure bred golden Labrador that Riku had gotten him for Christmas, was pawing at the door, whining. Sora blinked blearily, and gently nudged her out of the way with his hip. He unlocked the door, and opened it.

"Sora!"

Sora stared in shock at his best friend and next-door neighbour. Riku was still in his pyjamas, a pair of black satin pants and a yellow top, and his hair was tied back in a messy braid. He wore a pair of black slippers, and his eyes were wide.

"Riku? Wha—?" Sora started, but Riku pushed past him and into the house. Sora closed the door, letting Yuna dash outside first, and walked into the kitchen, where Riku was sitting, typing away furiously at his laptop. Sighing, Sora moved to his coffee pot, and started to brew some of God's gift to men. He then padded over to Riku, and froze.

"W… what the _hell_?!" Sora exclaimed.

Riku had logged onto an Internet dating site called and had clicked on the 'Just joined' link. And there it was.

A picture of Sora from Kairi's birthday last month was staring back at him, a large grin crinkling the sides of his slightly glazed blue eyes. Underneath, the following form had been filled out:

**Name:** Sora Leonhart

**Age:** 26

**D.O.B:** 24/12

**Star Sign: **Capricorn

**Occupation: **Psychiatrist

**Looking for: **A fun-loving friend/lover who doesn't mind dogs and/or cats, likes kids, and won't care when next-door neighbour bursts into the kitchen yelling about his latest job.

**Sexual orientation:** Bisexual

**Reply?**

**Yes**

**No**

Sora sputtered as he stared at the profile.

"Kairi!!!" He suddenly screamed as he dived for the phone. He hastily dialled her phone number, raising the white piece of plastic to his ear. She picked up after three rings with a sleepy, "'Lo?"

"Kairi Ai Nakamura when I get my hands on you!!" Sora yelled.

"Oh. So you found it,"

"No, that was me," Riku yelled loud enough for the redhead to hear.

"Oh. So your gay best friend found it."

"Kairi! What the fuck were you thinking?!" Sora shouted angrily into the phone.

Kairi yawned, and muttered, "I was thinking about cheese, to be quite truthful."

Sora pulled the phone away from his ear, and stared at it in shock.

"_**WHAT?!?!?!**_" He suddenly shrieked, causing his cat, Rikku, who had just strolled into the kitchen to run off and hide under the table. His other dog, a black cocker spaniel known as Paine, barked from her position on the living room couch, her stubby tail wagging from side to side.

Riku wasn't looking too good himself, because he suddenly said, "You have…five replies…"

"YOU HEAR THAT?! FIVE PEOPLE!! WHAT AM I GONNA TELL THEM, KAIRI?! I ALREADY HAVE A BOYFRIEND, FOR GOD'S SAKE!!"

"…you do?"

Riku palmed his forehead, and turning around stared at Sora like he was insane.

"You failed to inform your divorcée that you were dating?" Riku asked, incredulous. He shook his hand, and started to tug on his long silver hair, a nervous habit of his that had convinced everyone he knew that he'd be bald by the time he was forty.

Sora placed his hand over the phone, and hissed, "I tried to tell her last night, jerk! Delete it, or something!"

Riku rolled his eyes, and nodded once. He turned back around, and started to hastily type away at Sora's computer. Sora was silently thankful for the fact that his best friend had had worked for three different police forces, and was an expert computer hacker. The wonderful things having a next-door neighbour who went through three different jobs a season brought one.

"Yes, Kai. I do have a boyfriend. I meant to tell you last night," Sora said as he resumed speaking to his ex-wife.

The other side was silent, and then Kairi muttered, "_Goddamn_ you"

And then she hung up on him. Sora pouted, and slammed the phone down.

"Fine. Be a bitch," The brunette huffed.

Riku snorted, and standing up pulled Sora into a hug. He pressed a light kiss to Sora's temple, and muttered, "Don't worry about it"

**---**

"Hey, Sora."

Sora looked up from his wine, towards his younger brother—Roxas—and his new husband. He blinked, and taking a sip of the cherry red alcoholic drink replied, "Yeah?"

Axel grinned, and lent forward, his elbows propped up and his hands holding his chin. "Kai told us you had a boyfriend. Where is he?"

Sora blinked. And blinked again. And then he said, rather stunned, "I've been dancing with Riku for the last two hours. You walked in on us making out. And you honestly didn't figure it out?"

Axel smirked, and Sora immediately realised he should've just kept his mouth shut. Axel then stood up, and banging—not tapping—the side of his glass made everyone look towards him.

"I would like to congratulate Sora and Riku on their new-found love!" He announced. Riku, who had been half-listening to his boyfriend's words, burst out laughing when half the room started to choke on their various drinks. "As we all know, Riku here is nothing short of man-whore! Who can believe he's finally settled down?"

"Hey! Just because I've fucked more people than you ever have and ever will _does not_ make me a man-whore!" Riku snapped, indignant. Axel snorted, and muttered, "Whatever".

Kairi, who had been coming out of the bathroom, fainted.


End file.
